The aim of the article is to analyse and critically examine use of the concept of heteronormativity. We find it important to adjust the concept to some extent in order to analyse, for example, changes occurring in homosexual families, contemporary gender-equal families or the progressive youth culture. We find two approaches when using the concept. One minimizes the importance of how sexual practices are embedded in social institutions. The first approach becomes too idealistic, whereas the second approach often is based on a structural view of society. This approach makes it hard to imagine a transformation of the family that could lead to more equal and democratic relations in contemporary families. We suggest a third approach, and the possibility of finding creative ways of analysing actual change and contestations of heteronormativity. An approach containing a space of reflexivity and aiming at political change both involving subjects as well as structures.